What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 14:58
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why is Donald Trump criticized by so many people?
It was going to be , some day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Elon Musk’s Reign of Corruption Chronicled in Elizabeth Warren Report - Rolling Stone
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I don,t even have a pension.
My life is so biszare .
Whole-body movement play shows promise for children with autism - PsyPost
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She wouldn,t have been !
Measles vaccinations drop as CDC updates travel guidance - Yahoo
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Neuroscience breakthroughs: Surprising truths about memory revealed in 7 recent studies - PsyPost
I never cut or harmed myself..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She married twice! .
How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She was in good health!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Especially a lifetime of it.
How does red light therapy affect eyes?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Derek Jeter Shares Brutal Reality for Yankees After Dodgers Loss - Sports Illustrated
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
All the time i was locked up.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I said to her
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She loved him until the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was very sick at this time too.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I write beautiful poetry .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I could never make a relationship work though!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Who then, do I blame.?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I waited trembling.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was 9 years of age.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were not on the streets..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What did i know ?
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I think the readers, may guess!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And i lived it daily.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
Was to survive, this bastard.
One cannot live in the past .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im still living with it.
When she asked me how she looked .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I couldn’t, believe it.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But it wasn’t much.
So, i spoilt her more .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She found it foreign!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I will be 64.
Would this be the day?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is soul school!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
We all went to grammer schools
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ive learnt so much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.